When does it end?

Wednesday I took the Jeep in for new tires. They called and said it needed new brakes all around. OK. I knew my brakes were going. They called again and said it needed new front rotors. Fine. I am now safe to the tune of $1000. (That's after new tie rods and CV joints for $1200 a few months back.)

Wednesday evening and Thursday morning Denali acted weird when I walked her. She would start limping, favoring different feet, and a couple times refused to walk through the frozen snow. I guess it's REALLY cold out. Then Thursday afternoon Cody called me when he got home from school and said Denali tried to dig her way out the front door of the apartment. There is damage to the carpet and carpet pad; there is a one foot long hole in the wall next to the door; and the trim on one side of door came off.

That same afternoon, I was driving to pick up Tara from school and got in an accident. I am fine, but the Jeep is in the shop with a busted up bumper, and I am driving a rental car - a red pick-up truck to be exact (the only fun thing in this whole ordeal). The tow and the rental car were covered under my insurance, but I have a $500 deductible for the repairs.

This morning I found half of Tara's fish dead and do not know why. Then when I was leaving to catch a ride with the tow truck, I heard Denali scratching at the front door again. I quickly placed a chair in front of the door to deter her. Before I made it out the downstairs door, she started barking. Who knows how long that lasted? When I got home this evening (after waiting a half-hour for my counselor who never showed up), the chair was tipped over and the carpet was pulled back again, but there was no carpet pad mess, and the hole wasn't noticeably bigger. Now she is constantly whiny. When I say "show me" she goes to the bone cupboard, but I've already given her some. Maybe she has cabin fever and wants to go for a ride. We haven't been to the dog park since Saturday and PetSmart since last week.

So I don't even know what to write in closing. I think I'm more stressed over Denali than the accident/Jeep. Of course, my financial situation seems to get more and more stressful, too. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm not seeing it tonight.

Owen's First Birthday

The cake was a little intimidating at first...
but he got past that.

October 18th, 2009, Happy Birthday Owen! We spent the day at the Zoo with perfect weather! KK & her kids came over for cake later. At 1 year old, Owen can point at things; he can say "bye" (says it like a little southern boy), "g'ma" (grandma), "mama", "dada", "buba" or "Gav"(Gavin), "no-no-no", "uh-oh", "go" (the dog), and meow at the cats. He started walking 10/13, likes music, carries toys around in his mouth like a dog, and has the most special relationship with his big brother. He loves anything in the sky--planes, helicopters, birds, stars, the moon. We are so blessed! :)

November 19th, 2009, Happy Birthday Dad! A month has gone by and Owen is growing and changing everyday. Gavin is doing fantastic! Dan is back to managing the pizza place and I am back at the toy store, this time as co-manager. It seems my life is going a little in reverse... unfortunately not far enough to have you here.

I am mentally sitting at the dining room table at the old house looking at the birds on the feeder on the deck. Dad is in his usual spot at the end of the table by the china cabinet. Barbara is cooking and talking with Deana. Some of the family is out hiking. Gavin wants to play a game on Dad's computer but decides to shoot bow&arrows with Kiote instead. And as Dad goes over the rules with them again, I stare at him wondering if he has any idea how much I love him...and oddly enough I don't have anything to say.

Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday Dear Da-ad. Happy Birthday to You.

I miss you sooo much. I love you! Wish you were here.

"Free at last!"

I think I said that quote when Tara started kindergarten. This time it involves my "third child". In other words, my divorce became final on 11-10-09. I can officially say I am a free woman, a single mom, a very happy person. I am also Deana Mueller again. : )

Check out our new Web site!

www.jillandjeff.us

(or www.jeffandjill.us works too)

Almost done...

I signed the settlement agreement today - just waiting on Craig's signature. I'm almost a free woman! : )

Questions in wedding planning...

Jeff and I are having a wedding planning meeting on Saturday. Any suggestions or ideas or requirements (food--allergy requirement, strong dislikes) would be welcome before then. Oh--has anyone been to the Best Western in Castle Rock? The local Castle Rock paper ranked it best in town. Does anyone have a mini-fridge or two that we could use for extra food storage at Barbara's? How many crock pots do we have in CO? Does anyone know anyone with a karaoke machine?

I'm sure I'll have more... just getting started!

Cell phone warning

Pop Corn téléphone portable micro-ondes
by sassiere

Consider yourself warned.

Things I've learned about riding trains long distances

1. If you feel the urge to take a nap during the day, do it! The chairs may look long and wide and comfy--but it is an illusion, a trick! You won't sleep well at night and should get every wink of sleep you can, whenever you can!

2. Bring a blanket--it gets cold. And a pillow if you can swing it.

3. Wear loose-fitting, comfortable pants that won't ride up or bunch up your undies during a long night of tossing and turning.

4. Bring snacks--including a thermos of hot water, soup packs, tea bags, and a bottle of wine and corkscrew. Have your own picnic in your seats or the snack car.

5. Keep a good sense of humor about the characters around you--they are going to be around for twenty hours, not three or four. Ignore the cookie crumbs the guy across the aisle keeps flinging your way...

6. Enjoy the scenery during the daylight hours. It is as beautiful and interesting as America is vast--and there are plenty of wide open spaces to gaze at.

7. Caffeine is key after a sleepless night. Drink lots of it and keep going!

8. Don't count on checking your bags in lockers at the train station--they cost an outrageous $4/hour. The art museum coat check will happily take them for the day though!

This is not your airport/airplane trip--no oppressive sense of crowding or rushing or panic. People mill around and some get to wave goodbye through train windows. Yes, it takes a lot longer, but you get a chance to just sit and enjoy it. Despite my problems sleeping (Jeff did slightly better with a few hours of solid sleep), we spent the day in Chicago tired but happy. We walked off the train, through downtown, and straight to the art museum where we spent the entire day looking at a lot of fantastic art. We figured out the trains to the suburbs (double deckers!) to stay with Shona's friends, and had a great time meeting them. Today we're going to a Cubs game and tomorrow we head home on a 7-hour bus ride. It has been a good adventure--things are just different enough that it is almost like visiting another country!

The PRE Results Are In

I am not OK either. Craig & the kids got what they wanted. 50/50. The PRE has recommended a 5-5-2-2 schedule. This means I have the kids every Wednesday & Thursday. Craig gets them every Monday & Tuesday. The weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) alternates.

They are also recommending on the off-weekends for Cody & I to have some one-on-one time and for Craig & Tara to have some one-on-one time. This is good.

Tara needs individual counseling. I should continue on with mine. Craig & I should meet with Tara's counselor for parenting counseling, in which Cody can join in for some family counseling here and there. Craig says they recommended counseling for him, too.

Craig does not have an alcohol problem.

I really don't know what to think about all this. I am still processing.

This does mean I can start packing and find a new house.

For the record...

For the record, I am not okay. I did not deserve any of this. I try to be strong and move on with the day, but I can't. I can't cope, I can't think straight, I can't be a good mom, and I can't find an effin job. I think everything has caught up to me and I realize how messed up life has become. I was supposed to be in a trusting marriage, happy family, and it's turned to shit. I wish I could forgive and move on but things keep popping up and stomping my heart. Deep down, I feel like I am going crazy. My car is being repoed, I can't work cause I can't afford day care, and then I have an RN license which can get me money to get out of this burden, but then no one is hiring. Life is crazy. I hope a year from now I can look back and say, "Whew, that was hard but look how much stronger I am." For the present, I just want to crawl in a hole and not talk to anyone and waste away. I feel horrible and ugly and worthless right now.

See you later, literally

My plane flight leaves tomorrow. I'll be in Colorado by tomorrow evening (on Tuesday, Aug. 11th).

See you soon.

Save your money and get your passports!

Jeff got a job in London! He's really thrilled about it and so am I. He'll be working for Oneworld UK on projects they are running/starting up in Nigeria and Senegal using cell phone technology and SMS messaging and/or computers to get information to youth about sexual and reproductive health issues (the project in Nigeria has been running for two years and is pretty successful and the Senegal project is just starting up).

Here's a link to a 10-minute video about the Nigeria project: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCHPH-Nx-hc
Or here's a link for a 2-minute video for a quick peek if you're in a rush: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bd882WWOwY&feature=related)

We think he'll be going around November 1st. I'll be finishing one last year of school here and go over late next May. Lots to sort out but it is all very exciting!

Congratulations Jeff!!

Oh--shall we plan for Thanksgiving in Colorado to feed the lonely blues I'll be shaking by then? ;)

It's a dad day :(

Well today started off seeing Katharyn post Dad's video from the memorial service. It caught me off guard so of course I cried. So Aidan kept asking "Do you miss your dad cause he's in the stars?" So sad. So then we go to Barbara's house. It was a good day. However, on the way home Aidan says, "Can I call Grandpa Ed on the phone? I want to say good bye." It broke my heart. So I told him he can talk to him whenever and wherever and he will hear him. So we get home, and Aidan insists we sit outside and look to the sky and talk to Dad. I say some things, then he says how he's older now and will shoot a gun when he is older. Then, total tear jerker, he says, "I miss him so much. I wish he would live with me. When he comes out of the stars I want to give him a BIG, tight hug!" He then proceeded to come over to me and show me how he would hug him. Man, I miss Dad and I wish he could see his grand kids.

Happy Birthday, Shona!

Just thinking of you on your birthday... Love ya!

- Tara, Cody & Deana

Mr. Grumpy

This picture is a little blurry (it's hard to get a clear shot when the nest is over my head), but I had to post it. This guy did not want his picture taken. See how much bigger he is compared to his sibling? He must be quite the bully. Maybe he pushed the one who died out of the nest, although here he looks like he's protecting the smaller one...

Growing, growing...

Yesterday, I found one of my baby Barn Swallows dead on the front porch. He had most of his feathers, so he must have been fairly healthy, and if he fell, he should have been able to slow down the fall, so I'm not sure why he died. Anyway, here are some more pics as they grew.

July 14th

July 15th

July 19th

July 23rd

New Chapter

Well guys, I did it! I passed the NCLEX! this is hopefully the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in my life. I will begin the job search ASAP. I have decided to apply throughout the whole state. Considering the hard times, I will probably have to apply at nursing homes. :(

So i would have to say this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - considering all the hardships that have happened. But I prevailed. I made it. I don't think I have ever been proud of myself in my whole life.

A Few Memories

Remember when...

... in the big house with the horses in Colorado... Some time after renovating the kitchen, Dad attached a paper clip to a light bulb and put it in the microwave. He turned on the microwave, and the light bulb lit up. Seconds later, the light bulb imploded. That was DAD... he did that. Pretty cool.

... in the same house, during Christmas, I think... we had company over, and I went to get a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge in the garage. Dad opened it, and the water instantly froze. For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time remembering who was visiting. It was the family we've known since we lived in Virginia.

I was just thinking about a few things today. I wanted to share.

Baby Barn Swallows

My baby Barn Swallows hatched today. The picture is a little blurry, but I didn't get to take more because the mom was very upset when she saw us too close to the nest.

It's been a long time baby!

I apologize for not keeping more connected with everyone. I like everyone, I suppose, was extremely busy throughout June. As some of you might know I have been busy spending my weekends at summer festivals, here in North Carolina and some surrounding states, with my friends making, vending and performing with hula hoops. Three of us have started The Asheville Hoops Troupe and we are now booking performances at various venues in the Asheville area. I guess you could say I'm hooked. Between working and hooping practice ect... I stay jam packed. I am also in negotiations to buy a house here in West Asheville at the end of the month. Although I never thought I would hang around anywhere for very long, I guess I have found my groove here, for now at least. I enjoy the Blue Ridge Mountain Range here in Asheville, that butts up against the Great Smoky Mountains. There are ample national forests, parks, rivers and plenty of whiter water rafting. Asheville is an interesting mix of artists, performers and musicians mixed in with mountain men, moonshine and a real southern flare. To say the least it is really interesting. Jyoti is driving out here next week and I am taking him rafting with my boater friends and to the local roller derby. Should be fun. I hope to make it back to Colorado sometime in the fall, maybe September, to see ya'll. Hope everyone is doing well.

Shona

P.S. I have put a link on the blog to my friend Melanie's website Asheville Hoops.

One More Nest

This is a House Sparrow nest on top of my bat box! They apparently didn't like the nesting shelf - and the bats apparently don't like my bat box. :-(

The Nesting Shelf

This Barn Swallow couple, sitting on the swing in my backyard, is nesting on my front porch shelf! :-) This shelf is very versatile - Say's Phoebes (see pictures below) nested in 2007, and House Finches nested in 2008. The House Finch nest was disgusting - the poop just piled up to make the nest walls higher. My Barn Swallow nest is made of mud.

1 Fish, 2 Fish...

How in the world does a female guppy have fry when there is no daddy? Our guppy Daisy gave birth to 6 fry just days after we adopted her. This morning - 5 weeks later - we discovered 4 new fry. Now we need a bigger tank!

My Blog - email change?

Hi...

I still have the same home email which I use to sign into Blogger, but I noticed that my Gmail address shows up above my blog when I view it.  If you see it too, don't worry about it... none of you have to change your email address books.  You can send me email as usual.

Good-Bye Greenwood

I am very sad today, as it was my last day at Greenwood. With the current parenting schedule of Craig having the kids every other Thursday evening through Monday morning, I couldn't justify me having to get a sitter on my Sundays with the kiddos to go volunteer all afternoon. When I told Lindsey, I started crying. I cried all the way home. I am crying right now writing this.

My farewell gift was getting to feed a baby raccoon for the first time. I think my favorites over the past year, however, were the birds. Today we had a room full of babies who needed feeding every hour. The majority were your everyday birds (house finches, house sparrows, starlings), but we did have three nestlings who were unusual Greenwood visitors - baby meadowlarks. They were adorable!

I guess not all is lost. I will stay on the volunteer newsletter that lists shifts needing help, so if a time fits my schedule, I can go in then. Hopefully, once this crappy divorce is over, I can fit Greenwood back into my life because: 1. I had no idea I'd be this upset over leaving, so I obviously love working there; and 2. it's important for Cody and Tara to see the value of being a volunteer. So, to compensate for my loss, I think I'll start hiking again. Anyone know of some good trails near Loveland?

Birthday Gifts

I've been thinking of getting myself something for my birthday. I broke my headphones last week, so that's one option.

One gift I got early was Dad's blue pull-over jacket.  (The one in the picture posted here.)  I think I wore it a couple of times last year.    It's one of the few articles of clothing that fit me when I went through them with Barbara.  Everything else was too big.

I hope I don't sound materialistic and insensitive about it.  It really does mean a lot for me to have something of Dad's.  I think it's interesting that the picture posted here was of him wearing that jacket.  It's like a little detail that somehow fell into place.  Very nice.

Thanks to everyone for remembering me on my birthday.  More and more, that is what's important.  It's the best gift there is for me.

Happy Birthday Eric!

Sorry this is a day late. I've been so busy that the days seem to run together--I've been thinking about you all week though!

I hope you had a wonderful birthday and will have an adventurous new year. Here are some pictures form my travels to inspire you:

This is a view from my jogging route when I lived in Dinguiraye, Guinea.

Local transport: yes, that is a TV on the back of the bike and it was ridden miles into the countryside and hooked up to a generator to show videos about HIV.

I spent part of most afternoons in St. Petersburg, Russia with a walk along the city canals (you actually can't avoid them) or the Neva river.

St. Petersburg was really lovely and very European, especially in the rain (does that make any sense--fleeting memories of childhood in Brussels?).

This is closer to home, but had a faraway feel. I loved the landscape and its colors around Taos, NM.

It's been a long time baby....

Hey all,

I know I have been bad recently about keeping in touch. I've just gotten so busy lately that I haven't had time to catch up. So I thought I would just write a quick update about all my goings on. I recently moved off the farm up to Asheville to be close to my friends and create more of a social life. I was getting stifled on the farm. I live in this great old house built in the 1920's with my roommate Mark. He has a really nice dog Pearl a Plothound, which is incidentally the state dog here in North Carolina. I didn't even know there was such a thing. His cat Milly terrorizes my cat, so it all works out like it should. It is the beginning of festival season and I am assisting my friend Melanie once again with her Hoop business all summer long. We went to our first festival last weekend in Wilmington along the coast. It was small but fun. Next month is when it all really starts. I have signed a contract with another hooper friend to perform at a festival called LEAF (Lake Eden Arts Festival). We are going to perform two nights as roaming LED hoopers and march in the Kid's Parade. It should be an experience. I just bought my first LED psi hoop. It is in the mail. It is amazing how they can squeeze 16 blinking LED lights into a thin plastic tubing. Otherwise, life goes on as normal. I hope to visit Colorado sometime in September or October, not sure what works for me yet. Hope to hear more about what's going on for everyone.

Shona

Happy Birthday Kristi!

Hope your next year brings beauty and the delicate flight of new beginnings and butterfly wings!

Update

So today Aidan went to the ENT doctor. He has to get his tonsils out. The doctor looked at them and said "Wow! Their huge!" So we plan on doing that in the next couple of months - depending. He has a hard time breathing while he sleeps, so probably the sooner the better.

Happy Birthday Mindy!

Here are some are moments of birth, growth and life that I captured at our local conservatory. I hope they bring a smile to your face and a sense of awe to your day. Have a great day and treat yourself grandly!

A Long Lost Aunt

Back in November 2008 I was doing a little on-line genealogy research and came across a message from a woman looking for information on William Jacob Simpson (Grandpa Vic's father). I e-mailed her, and she just now wrote me back. As it turns out, Billie was Grandpa Vic's half-sister. She was born in 1949 when Jake was 70(!), so she's 4 years younger than Mom but is her aunt. I'm not sure why we never knew about her (she is not listed in my Simpson genealogy book from Virginia - at least not where I think she should be), but I believe she is now our only living great-relative. She is actually our kids' great-great-aunt, if you can believe that. The internet is an amazing thing, isn't it?

Monkey Love--Happy Valentine's Day!

Jeff and I walked the 2.5 miles from our house to the downtown Minneapolis public library last week. I thought I'd post some photos so you can get a feel for where we live (remember to click on them to enlarge):



This is Jill at the baseball field turned ice rink in the park near our house. We walked past a guy with a hose spraying the field one morning. Guess it doesn't take much to make an ice rink!



Part of the field is fenced off to make two separate rinks for broomball and hockey. Ice skaters just skate around outside those areas.



We have to cross a bridge over train tracks to head south. There are tons of trains coming through the area all the time. I don't know that we've ever crossed the bridge without a train in sight.



This is a view of Minneapolis across the Mississippi. We live about a mile east of the river.



Our shadows on the frozen Mississsippi below!



Ducks found a break in the ice. It looked COLD.



To the north side of the bridge is a dam. The river was frozen so the water is all pushed under the ice.



This was part of the old flour mill tunnel system that used water to run the mill works. The city is working on renovating/protecting the area as part of a riverside parks system.



Inside the modern library. It was beautiful--but so many people are reading, we had no luck finding anything to check out.

The weather is cold, but that doesn't seem to stop Minnesotans (or us). I'd say this is one of my favorite cities to live and expect summer and winter visits from you all over the next few years!

My New Favorite Book

I just now finished reading my new favorite book - Confessions of a Pagan Nun, by Kate Horsley. It is a beautiful story of the life of a druid woman around 500 A.D. when Christianity was introduced to Ireland. The voice in which it was written is poetic, and the story truly makes you think. I am going to re-read it, and then I can pass it around to whomever is interested. If you don't want to wait that long, your library might have it, as the copyright is 2001. Happy reading!

Eric's Minnesota Trip

Eric posted this on his blog... he has some great photos so check them out. Click on the following:
Daily Dream Life: Minnesota Trip

Happy (belated) Birthday Deana!

(I took these pictures at the Winter Carnival orchid show. I hope you like them!)

Mindy's Buddha Baby and his Big Brother

My smiles - I went overboard, what can I say!