The PRE Results Are In

I am not OK either. Craig & the kids got what they wanted. 50/50. The PRE has recommended a 5-5-2-2 schedule. This means I have the kids every Wednesday & Thursday. Craig gets them every Monday & Tuesday. The weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) alternates.

They are also recommending on the off-weekends for Cody & I to have some one-on-one time and for Craig & Tara to have some one-on-one time. This is good.

Tara needs individual counseling. I should continue on with mine. Craig & I should meet with Tara's counselor for parenting counseling, in which Cody can join in for some family counseling here and there. Craig says they recommended counseling for him, too.

Craig does not have an alcohol problem.

I really don't know what to think about all this. I am still processing.

This does mean I can start packing and find a new house.

For the record...

For the record, I am not okay. I did not deserve any of this. I try to be strong and move on with the day, but I can't. I can't cope, I can't think straight, I can't be a good mom, and I can't find an effin job. I think everything has caught up to me and I realize how messed up life has become. I was supposed to be in a trusting marriage, happy family, and it's turned to shit. I wish I could forgive and move on but things keep popping up and stomping my heart. Deep down, I feel like I am going crazy. My car is being repoed, I can't work cause I can't afford day care, and then I have an RN license which can get me money to get out of this burden, but then no one is hiring. Life is crazy. I hope a year from now I can look back and say, "Whew, that was hard but look how much stronger I am." For the present, I just want to crawl in a hole and not talk to anyone and waste away. I feel horrible and ugly and worthless right now.

See you later, literally

My plane flight leaves tomorrow. I'll be in Colorado by tomorrow evening (on Tuesday, Aug. 11th).

See you soon.

Save your money and get your passports!

Jeff got a job in London! He's really thrilled about it and so am I. He'll be working for Oneworld UK on projects they are running/starting up in Nigeria and Senegal using cell phone technology and SMS messaging and/or computers to get information to youth about sexual and reproductive health issues (the project in Nigeria has been running for two years and is pretty successful and the Senegal project is just starting up).

Here's a link to a 10-minute video about the Nigeria project: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCHPH-Nx-hc
Or here's a link for a 2-minute video for a quick peek if you're in a rush: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bd882WWOwY&feature=related)

We think he'll be going around November 1st. I'll be finishing one last year of school here and go over late next May. Lots to sort out but it is all very exciting!

Congratulations Jeff!!

Oh--shall we plan for Thanksgiving in Colorado to feed the lonely blues I'll be shaking by then? ;)