Things I've learned about riding trains long distances

1. If you feel the urge to take a nap during the day, do it! The chairs may look long and wide and comfy--but it is an illusion, a trick! You won't sleep well at night and should get every wink of sleep you can, whenever you can!

2. Bring a blanket--it gets cold. And a pillow if you can swing it.

3. Wear loose-fitting, comfortable pants that won't ride up or bunch up your undies during a long night of tossing and turning.

4. Bring snacks--including a thermos of hot water, soup packs, tea bags, and a bottle of wine and corkscrew. Have your own picnic in your seats or the snack car.

5. Keep a good sense of humor about the characters around you--they are going to be around for twenty hours, not three or four. Ignore the cookie crumbs the guy across the aisle keeps flinging your way...

6. Enjoy the scenery during the daylight hours. It is as beautiful and interesting as America is vast--and there are plenty of wide open spaces to gaze at.

7. Caffeine is key after a sleepless night. Drink lots of it and keep going!

8. Don't count on checking your bags in lockers at the train station--they cost an outrageous $4/hour. The art museum coat check will happily take them for the day though!

This is not your airport/airplane trip--no oppressive sense of crowding or rushing or panic. People mill around and some get to wave goodbye through train windows. Yes, it takes a lot longer, but you get a chance to just sit and enjoy it. Despite my problems sleeping (Jeff did slightly better with a few hours of solid sleep), we spent the day in Chicago tired but happy. We walked off the train, through downtown, and straight to the art museum where we spent the entire day looking at a lot of fantastic art. We figured out the trains to the suburbs (double deckers!) to stay with Shona's friends, and had a great time meeting them. Today we're going to a Cubs game and tomorrow we head home on a 7-hour bus ride. It has been a good adventure--things are just different enough that it is almost like visiting another country!

The PRE Results Are In

I am not OK either. Craig & the kids got what they wanted. 50/50. The PRE has recommended a 5-5-2-2 schedule. This means I have the kids every Wednesday & Thursday. Craig gets them every Monday & Tuesday. The weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) alternates.

They are also recommending on the off-weekends for Cody & I to have some one-on-one time and for Craig & Tara to have some one-on-one time. This is good.

Tara needs individual counseling. I should continue on with mine. Craig & I should meet with Tara's counselor for parenting counseling, in which Cody can join in for some family counseling here and there. Craig says they recommended counseling for him, too.

Craig does not have an alcohol problem.

I really don't know what to think about all this. I am still processing.

This does mean I can start packing and find a new house.

For the record...

For the record, I am not okay. I did not deserve any of this. I try to be strong and move on with the day, but I can't. I can't cope, I can't think straight, I can't be a good mom, and I can't find an effin job. I think everything has caught up to me and I realize how messed up life has become. I was supposed to be in a trusting marriage, happy family, and it's turned to shit. I wish I could forgive and move on but things keep popping up and stomping my heart. Deep down, I feel like I am going crazy. My car is being repoed, I can't work cause I can't afford day care, and then I have an RN license which can get me money to get out of this burden, but then no one is hiring. Life is crazy. I hope a year from now I can look back and say, "Whew, that was hard but look how much stronger I am." For the present, I just want to crawl in a hole and not talk to anyone and waste away. I feel horrible and ugly and worthless right now.

See you later, literally

My plane flight leaves tomorrow. I'll be in Colorado by tomorrow evening (on Tuesday, Aug. 11th).

See you soon.

Save your money and get your passports!

Jeff got a job in London! He's really thrilled about it and so am I. He'll be working for Oneworld UK on projects they are running/starting up in Nigeria and Senegal using cell phone technology and SMS messaging and/or computers to get information to youth about sexual and reproductive health issues (the project in Nigeria has been running for two years and is pretty successful and the Senegal project is just starting up).

Here's a link to a 10-minute video about the Nigeria project: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCHPH-Nx-hc
Or here's a link for a 2-minute video for a quick peek if you're in a rush: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bd882WWOwY&feature=related)

We think he'll be going around November 1st. I'll be finishing one last year of school here and go over late next May. Lots to sort out but it is all very exciting!

Congratulations Jeff!!

Oh--shall we plan for Thanksgiving in Colorado to feed the lonely blues I'll be shaking by then? ;)

It's a dad day :(

Well today started off seeing Katharyn post Dad's video from the memorial service. It caught me off guard so of course I cried. So Aidan kept asking "Do you miss your dad cause he's in the stars?" So sad. So then we go to Barbara's house. It was a good day. However, on the way home Aidan says, "Can I call Grandpa Ed on the phone? I want to say good bye." It broke my heart. So I told him he can talk to him whenever and wherever and he will hear him. So we get home, and Aidan insists we sit outside and look to the sky and talk to Dad. I say some things, then he says how he's older now and will shoot a gun when he is older. Then, total tear jerker, he says, "I miss him so much. I wish he would live with me. When he comes out of the stars I want to give him a BIG, tight hug!" He then proceeded to come over to me and show me how he would hug him. Man, I miss Dad and I wish he could see his grand kids.

Happy Birthday, Shona!

Just thinking of you on your birthday... Love ya!

- Tara, Cody & Deana